Let's start with last night's meltdown. Victoria is a very cold natured person, and when she got here we were keeping our house at about 63. We have started setting it higher. However, Victoria has become accustomed to the heater in her room and has added it to her nightly routine. (hindsight is 20/20). So last night, Matt told her no more heater at night, because by the time we all wake up in the morning, her room is a sauna. She was not okay with that, as soon as Matt left the room, he heard her pacing and having a meltdown. Long story short, she got her heater on. I am the one to wake Victoria in the morning, so when I went to wake her up, her room was a sauna, and Matt said she had a meltdown, and said she couldn't sleep without the heater on. At first, I wanted to talk to her about it before she went to school, but she looked exhausted and I didn't want to send her to school upset and have her not do her work. I am also finding, that before I have a serious talk with her, I need to give myself a couple hours to one, calm down, and two figure out how and what I am going to say.
7 hours later she got home from school and I was ready. Here are the different thoughts that went through my head today:
1. She has never had a consequence at our house, because we are afraid of a meltdown. Yes, she is autistic, but she still needs discipline. We can not be afraid of an 11 year old.
2. I was more upset that she had a meltdown, than the fact that she wanted the heater on.
3. She needs to learn to work through her meltdowns and not overreact. And my guess is that she has been taught this before, we just need to reinforce it. We'll see what happens next time....
Okay, I thought there was more, but whatever. So when she got home I told her we needed to have a talk about what had happened the night before. She immediately got VERY anxious. I told her I wasn't mad and I wasn't going to hurt her, we just need to talk. She said she overreacted and got mad and thought she wouldn't be able to sleep. (I tried to talk about not turning the heater on after 12, but that was a no go for now.)We talked about how it is not okay to over react/hit yourself :( what there are solutions. So her solution now is to calm down, relax, and to talk to Dad or myself. I told her that she was going to receive a consequence for her actions. I had talked to her before about consequences and types of consequences that she could get. I asked her to think of a consequence for herself, but that just made her anxious and mad at herself. So I told her that she would need to spend 15 minutes after dinner on the couch with no computer or TV show that she wanted to watch. I said she could talk or watch something if Micah was. She asked if that was until her bedtime, I said no, and we talked about how long 15 minutes is. My main objective for that timeout was taking away internet from her without her freaking out on me. And mission accomplished.
About a week ago we lost power at 10:30 pm because of a windstorm. I can honestly say those 2.5 hours were some of the worst of my life. There was not rationalizing with her. Long story, short, not fun. I spent the next day feeling hung over.
I am going to Development Pediatrics tomorrow to ask about her referral. I left a message last week about it, and the recording said I would hear back in 3 days. One of the things is, I just want to make sure that they received her referral, and two, I need them to know that it's serious. So, we'll see how well I keep my cool tomorrow. :)
Victoria is doing well at church. I let her read one of her books during the sermon, but hope to stop that in the next couple of months. I love that fact that she is there with us.
She came home from school today and said, "I asked if they have Valentine's parties, and the teacher said no." So I'm pretty sure we will be having our own!! Super excited!
I just want to say thanks to everyone who has left comments about this blog and who is thinking and praying for us. It really means a lot to me. I am feeling very loved and cheered for. (I know that doesn't make sense, but I'm not changing it.)
2 comments:
Wow, busy lady! I think you handled the consequence very well. Lots of ppl have probably said this, but have you watched Parenthood? I love it! They recently had an episode about punishing their autistic son. Anyways! you are doing amazing. I think it is important to sit and think about what you need to say, and really that is important to raising any child. I plan on trying to take some communication classes myself before that day comes! Love you! Keep up the great work! My prayers are there for you and your family each and every day!
Yes- definitely watch Parenthood. Start from the beginning on Netflix. You are doing a fantastic job- so proud of you!
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